I am grateful for friends!

In the past few weeks, I have been pushing myself to get up and work...to get up and feed the dog...to get up and find something to embrace. It hasn't been easy but there is always something or someone that crosses my path and reminds me of why I'm here...usually, it's friends. I posted this group/song a while back on Facebook before my surgery...while I was looking back, it hit me that this was the piece I wanted to post here.

Since I posted it on FB, so many things have happened. My mind is reeling with thoughts of all of the unexpected's that happened...like ending up in the hospital multiple times...and then being told I have skin cancer which took three times to get it all.... and I still can't wrap my mind around any of it. Today, I received a letter from a dear old friend. It was sent through snail mail...a delight from the old days. I was reminded of something that happened a long time ago that was lost deep within the basement in my mind. It was a good memory....which are few and far between for someone who has had so much damn trauma in her life. Don't get me wrong... I'm not a victim...I'm a survivor! Few of you know all of it which can be a gift and a curse.

What I like about this version of this song by this band is that they're doing it in memory of a friend. I'd love to do something like this for the loved ones I've lost recently....funny how I think of that after the fact...after their gone. I've been working, for the past few years, at remembering how important it is to let the people I love know that I love them while I'm still here...while their still here. I fall short so much of the time. There are so many people that I want to put their face in my hands and tell them how amazing they are and how they make my heart feel so good. I want to kiss their sweet little head and bless them for all of their days to come. And then, life happens and I forget to do that...and sometimes it's just too late and then they're gone...right before our eyes.

So, my message tonight is...don't wait until it's too late.

for all my friends....I love you!

Thursday January 7th 2010- info on surgery

Yesterday I went for my meeting with the neuro surgeon (Dr. Ryan) to discuss the procedure. I came home feeling completely ill. I am confident in my two surgeons and have heard nothing but great things about both of them. There is great comfort in that! However, my little fear gremlin is running around the house willy nilly. Here's what brought that little guy in yesterday... they will have to make an incision in my stomach to take fat (there's lots to choose from) and it will be used to pack my head where they go in to grab the tumor. The other thing I did not know is that they will be putting a valve in my spine in case of a spinal leak. Those two things were new to me. On the bright side, I have an extreme deviated septum which the ENT will fix on their way out of my head. Two surgeries for the price of one....yay!

I will be setting up a group on Facebook that anyone can join for updates while I'm in the hospital. I am blessed with many FB friends that are praying and sending good energy to me and the doctors. The challenge for me is trusting that all will be fine. That is what I call living fearlessly. One step at a time...one moment at a time...letting go and letting God. Another challenge is asking for help during and after surgery. I won't be able to drive for at least two weeks after being home which cramps my independent style. There are so many lessons coming out of this! My prayer is that I can see the goodness in all of them. A friend of mine busted me on the phone the other night about taking care of myself first at this time. While we were on the phone, I got a couple of calls from friends who needed me...and I can easily focus on them rather than my own stuff. Today, I am thankful that I have people in my life that will call me out on my own avoidance of reality.

Let the people you love know it...that's my wisdom today....you never know.
Lots of love and gratitude!
Josie