Things I want to share....

I promised myself that I wouldn't go another month without posting here...and yet, I did. By the thought and theories of living in the present moment, I guess I could say, I made it in time. My feelings say something else.

So, I'm here again to ponder the term "fearless creativity".
In my own life, I acknowledge myself for showing up to a showing of my own work in Memphis. My friend, Lynn, opened her home to my art on her walls!

...AND a good time was had by all.... a night filled with incredible energy. Lynn brings that energy where ever she goes....and so does her home...and her dog.

Just showing up was filled with angst and concern...the kind that I really needed to squelch from the beginning. Why I felt those feelings (like nervous about reactions to my artwork)...AND why I feel the way I do....is really difficult for me to explain.

As it is with all of us.
So....for today...I bring you Beth hart:
Someone who can put the feelings that she does into her artwork...AND then put it out there for all to see...well, I think she is fearless and very creative in a raw way.

Hopefully my next blog entry will have some of my work on it....that is my intention as soon as I figure out the photo transfer thing from my camera.
Light and Love, Josie

What is important...really?

I'm watching a computer die. It's one that has served me well...and even as I write this, I'm wondering when it will freeze. I started thinking, over the past few days away from my facebook friends, about what I want to do on my computer...given the little time that I have before she dies. I took for granted the times playing solitare and times locked in scrabble games which are now at a stand still. I feel lost without my FB network...and yet, this breakdown of my old "Mable" has given me time to think. It's time for me to come back here...to my blog...where only a few see and read. It's not so public. Even if I post a link on FB to my blog, only a few will visit. It's my little online island.

That said, here is my share for tonight:



Love y'all.... Josie

This is from the heart....

I am counting down the minutes to creating a show in Memphis Tennessee. It is in the town where I was born and it holds so many tales. I was moved from there when I was nine months old to Chicago.

I fell in love with Chicago from the moment they said 'go'. I started selling art on the streets at age five...instead of lemonade. It was not sticky like lemonade and I liked it ...a lot! I had a great mentor named James Swann. He gave me supplies like "mat board" to do my work. He also gave me paints and markers. He was the best!

Sometimes, it takes just one person to light the fire of creativity under one little kid's soul...

....in today's world, that would be the Art Teacher...or the Music teacher...

let's remember that when we vote ....ok?
I say that because our state is grappling with budget cuts...and guess who gets the axe?
Yep...the arts!

WELL... right after mental health that is...

Our State is making mental health cuts that would spin the head of any civil minded human who cared for anything "living".
I am interested in finding a way to help those who fall thru the cracks...any ideas?

Josie

Patsy Rodenburg: Why I do theater | Video on TED.com

Patsy Rodenburg: Why I do theater | Video on TED.com

This is what I found to be fearless tonight. I have done a tiny bit of theater and a bit of performance art over the years.
Her descriptions...her truth...LOVE IT!

Enjoy...
Josie

I am grateful for friends!

In the past few weeks, I have been pushing myself to get up and work...to get up and feed the dog...to get up and find something to embrace. It hasn't been easy but there is always something or someone that crosses my path and reminds me of why I'm here...usually, it's friends. I posted this group/song a while back on Facebook before my surgery...while I was looking back, it hit me that this was the piece I wanted to post here.

Since I posted it on FB, so many things have happened. My mind is reeling with thoughts of all of the unexpected's that happened...like ending up in the hospital multiple times...and then being told I have skin cancer which took three times to get it all.... and I still can't wrap my mind around any of it. Today, I received a letter from a dear old friend. It was sent through snail mail...a delight from the old days. I was reminded of something that happened a long time ago that was lost deep within the basement in my mind. It was a good memory....which are few and far between for someone who has had so much damn trauma in her life. Don't get me wrong... I'm not a victim...I'm a survivor! Few of you know all of it which can be a gift and a curse.

What I like about this version of this song by this band is that they're doing it in memory of a friend. I'd love to do something like this for the loved ones I've lost recently....funny how I think of that after the fact...after their gone. I've been working, for the past few years, at remembering how important it is to let the people I love know that I love them while I'm still here...while their still here. I fall short so much of the time. There are so many people that I want to put their face in my hands and tell them how amazing they are and how they make my heart feel so good. I want to kiss their sweet little head and bless them for all of their days to come. And then, life happens and I forget to do that...and sometimes it's just too late and then they're gone...right before our eyes.

So, my message tonight is...don't wait until it's too late.

for all my friends....I love you!

Mornings are dark again....time to press snooze.

Well, our time has changed. What used to be 6am is now 7am but it still looks like 6am in the sky....with the dark before morning feel. I had the hardest time waking up today. It's like I just took a flight to another time zone and the "news" plays way later than it should be. You see, I live in the central time zone so any trip to the coast is a trip with time....changing my little clock...the tiny one that sits by the bed right next to the hotel clock that I never trust.

Why do we have to do this time change thing? Why can't we trust the sun to come around when she needs to be there? I've never understood it. I know the reasons that are told to me and all that .... but really, isn't this all man made....the need to control light?

Living Fearlessly

There are some days when life just zings along no problem and then there are the "other" days. I've had a few of those days when walking feels like pouring molasses in January. Today is one of those. It's days like today I have to remind myself of the things that I'm grateful for and of the small steps I have taken even though it feels like I'm miles from the finish line....But that's just it...there is no finish line. As long as we are breathing, there is no end to the race. So each day we get to choose the race we enter to some extent. Life sends us twists and turns and we lean from side to side so we don't tip the canoe. Living fearlessly means the river can get rough and even if we swamp...we still swim to the bank, gather our goods and start again. Tomorrow is another day...in fact, tomorrow is another month. Welcome March!
Here's to a spring with renewed life, renewed gratitude, renewed health!

Here's a song I picked for today....enjoy!
xo Josie

February 15, 2010... and another thing.

Today I'm sitting here missing my dog Scout. He was rushed to the doggie hospital yesterday after he took a hard fall. Scoutie is an old boy so I think it was really hard on him. It's funny how we get used to certain things when it comes to our animals. For me, all day long I find myself looking for him, reaching for him...I even started fixing his breakfast before I realized he wasn't here. Like so many things, we don't realize the whole left until they're not here. After twelve years he leaves a large hole when he is gone. So, I'm praying that he starts to recover on his own and will come back to me soon. Until then, here are a couple of photos of my baby...

Other news in the Sullivan home....I can drive now! I got my release from the Dr. today so watch out Columbia, I'm back on the road again!
Gratefully, Josie

February 8, 2010 ...Healing.

I'm Back!!!!!

A friend of mine reminded me of one of my entries long ago on this blog a couple pages down. She was drawn to Oct. 8th where I talk about reaching out and how difficult that can be when using other than face to face interaction. She copied it to me and gave me my words back to me. It was a gift to remember exactly what was happening then and the awareness of being in such a different place now.
For those of you who have followed my surgery and been supportive during such a difficult time, THANK YOU! You know who you are! It has been a trying three weeks. I was released from the hospital on January 15th. A few days later, I was rushed back to the hospital for complications. I had been thrown into a severe round of migraines which I am still fighting. I was released again in a few days only to be home around 36 hours and back to the hospital for a few more grueling days of pain. I'm sitting here trying to think of words to describe this whole thing...and I just can't find the right ones.
This recovery time has found me very antsy to be well...To be back to full speed. My body has another idea. I am learning to be still which feels impossible. I've spent some time sketching and I think I'll just include some of those images and call it a night. Today is a melancholy day and I want to snuggle up with my dog and go to sleep. So, here are some of the images coming out during a time when the pain has been at it's worst. Thank you for taking time to visit my blog! I plan to be posting more often now that the healing process has begun.
Josie

January 11, 2010

I have not been able to really describe what is happening and what I am feeling....it's just driving me mad. I listen to music to "soothe the soul"...so to say..... I want to share it...and yet I want to share this......happy music later.... this is my favorite movie for it's time....and the love shared here is what I want to share tonight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ-4rPxT-YI

Friday...

Counting down the days and doing the things that I NEED to do. I'm also spending endless hours or at least minutes playing three towers solitaire on facebook. It's one of the things that takes my mind away for a while.

Music also helps me focus, process and feel. So sometimes ...HA...a lot of times I feature music here on my blog. I find musicians to be totally fearless! While I love living in and exploring the visual world, I appreciate the world of sound as another kind of goodness outlet.

Here's my pick for tonight...an old favorite.

Thursday January 7th 2010- info on surgery

Yesterday I went for my meeting with the neuro surgeon (Dr. Ryan) to discuss the procedure. I came home feeling completely ill. I am confident in my two surgeons and have heard nothing but great things about both of them. There is great comfort in that! However, my little fear gremlin is running around the house willy nilly. Here's what brought that little guy in yesterday... they will have to make an incision in my stomach to take fat (there's lots to choose from) and it will be used to pack my head where they go in to grab the tumor. The other thing I did not know is that they will be putting a valve in my spine in case of a spinal leak. Those two things were new to me. On the bright side, I have an extreme deviated septum which the ENT will fix on their way out of my head. Two surgeries for the price of one....yay!

I will be setting up a group on Facebook that anyone can join for updates while I'm in the hospital. I am blessed with many FB friends that are praying and sending good energy to me and the doctors. The challenge for me is trusting that all will be fine. That is what I call living fearlessly. One step at a time...one moment at a time...letting go and letting God. Another challenge is asking for help during and after surgery. I won't be able to drive for at least two weeks after being home which cramps my independent style. There are so many lessons coming out of this! My prayer is that I can see the goodness in all of them. A friend of mine busted me on the phone the other night about taking care of myself first at this time. While we were on the phone, I got a couple of calls from friends who needed me...and I can easily focus on them rather than my own stuff. Today, I am thankful that I have people in my life that will call me out on my own avoidance of reality.

Let the people you love know it...that's my wisdom today....you never know.
Lots of love and gratitude!
Josie

What a day.....

...I started the day chasing a dream...it was right there.
I even put my new "dream book" under the pillow that Scout sleeps against so that I can grab it..just in case. ...

Well, after the dream scuttled out of the house through all of the quick & twisted corridors, I had to face the day. It was a day of seeing Doctors...accepting help from a friend who was and is amazing!
... having freaky photos done of my head...inside out....blood test..urine..chats with an anesthesiologist about the "wheezing".... gracious...I'm finally done with this 28 hour day....

BTW- The Punch Brothers are playing here on Wednesday night at the Missouri Theatre... I highly recommend! Here's a taste ...a tiny little bitty tiny little taste...but one of my favorites. Get your tickets soon.

XO Josie

She fights in her sleep...

This is a find that I think is totally worthy of sharing...
Enjoy!